The Ugly Christmas Sweater ???

14 Dec

DARQ: No, no, Catherine, don’t you dare open this post with “The Legend of the Ugly Sweater!”

CATHERINE:  Why not?

DARQ:  Because people stopping at this blog will read it and not scroll down to see my Ugly Christmas Sweater. They won’t know what happened at the Christmas Party.

CATHERINE:  Ah, yes, the Men In Black holiday party–where everyone was to wear their ugly Christmas sweaters. So, how was the party?  The sweaters?

DARQ:  Here’s the official photo they took of me at the party.IMG_2534 2014 Darq UglySweater 01 USE

CATHERINE: Wow, your sweater lights are a-twinkling!

DARQ scowls: At least I wasn’t lit up like some.

CATHERINE:  So, how did your Ugly Christmas Sweater fare? Did it win first place?  Any placing?

DARQ:  No, I didn’t win the prize for the Ugly Christmas Sweater.  El-Emn did.

CATHERINE:  L M?  That name doesn’t sound familiar.  Is he a new guy on the MIB detail that’s assigned to you?

DARQ:  No, not L and M the initials, EL-EMN.  He’s an octopod from a planet called Zanthara.  He’s greenish-gray, golden eyed, with eight tentacle arms.  He knitted his sweater himself–a reindeer on each arm–and his ass was covered by Santa’s sleigh, which was a vibrant red and on the backside of his sweater. That sweater had fringe and tinsel, lights–

CATHERINE:  Your sweater has fringe and tinsel, lights. Blinking lights.

DARQ:  Yeah, but not quite like El-Emn’s!

[DARQ exits and returns with items in hand]DARQ-UglySwtr Rbn-Btl jpeg

CATHERINE:  That’s a pretty gaudy ribbon you’re holding. So, what did you win it for?

DARQ, her cheeks taking on a deeper hue:  For Most Beautiful Alien in an Ugly Christmas Sweater.

CATHERINE, holding back laughter:  And here you were worried that with all the sweater’s loopy, white fluffy yarns you would look like a Yeti!

DARQ, scowling:  That Meh-Teh tried to hit on me.

CATHERINE:  What’s a Meh-Teh?

DARQ:  What you Americans call a yeti.

CATHERINE: The abominable snowman is real?  No way.

DARQ: Yes way.  They are like Big Foot, dimensional aliens.  Just passing through the dimensions, so to speak.

CATHERINE:  Unreal.  Oh, never mind.  I see you’re holding a bottle of liquor in your other hand. Its got tons of ribbons curled on it.  Did you win that in the gift exchange?

DARQ:  No. It was . . .  um . . . well . . .

CATHERINE:  Out with it!

DARQ:  Okay, okay.  It was for the Best Footwear To Go With An Ugly Christmas Sweater.

CATHERINE, grinning:  You and your shoes!IMG_2512 2014 Darq XmasSweaterSlippers

DARQ: These are sweater-slippers, not shoes.

CATHERINE: I know that.  Horns, jingle bells, red and green surrounded by snowy-whiteness–

DARQ: ARGH!  I’ll just take my snowy-whiteness and Ugly Christmas Sweater out the door and change into something more appropriate.

CATHERINE:  And I’ll finish this post with the Legend of the Ugly Sweater.

The Legend of the Ugly Sweater  Legend of Ugly Sweater jpeg

There was an awful present

Underneath our Christmas Tree,

Hand sewn by Aunt Tilly.

Made especially for me,

The gift that ruined my childhood,

Forced to wear it Christmas Day.

When asked if I adored it,

I’d always shout, “NO WAY!”

But now I wear it proudly,

Without shame and with no fear.

Contest after contest,

my ugly sweater wins each year!

–Unknown Author

****Make JEWELS OF THE SKY your Christmas gift or give it as a gift.

Available in ebook and paperback at as well as

Barnes & Noble  and other book outlets.

***     ***      ***      ***     ***
Go to Catherine’s Contact Page to be notified when this blog is updated.

Updates are when events develop

(and with Darq wearing clothes and shoes made for the occasion).


Coming events include Christmas Day, a New Years Eve Party (another Erte-inspired gown), the Boston Pops, a Broadway play, and others.

Comments and conversations welcome.

And be sure to scroll down and see what Darq’s been doing.

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Posted by on December 14, 2014 in Uncategorized


Tags: , , , , , ,

2 responses to “The Ugly Christmas Sweater ???

  1. Jamie L. Saloff

    December 14, 2014 at 10:39 AM

    Best ugly alien Christmas sweater ever!

  2. Catherine McLean

    December 14, 2014 at 10:54 AM



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